Of health and happiness

I haven’t posted in a while but actually quite a lot has happened.

I guess the main thing is that I am still off work sick. I am due to return next week but hopefully only for the afternoons. As for my health, well to be honest there has not really been hat much improvement. My doctor has decided that the burst cyst was a ‘red herring’, something that occurred coincidentally but was not the real cause of my symptoms. However as yet the real cause has not yet been discovered.

I have had a large number of blood tests, the only thing showing so far is that my liver function is impaired. The doctor said that my inflammatory markers are normal so that rules out Inflammatory Bowel Disease. The next step is for me to have another ultrasound tomorrow to check the state of my gallbladder. Will wait and see what that shows.

The main highlight of my days at the moment is my 2 new kittens, Tortie and Tiber. On the Thursday after I was released from hospital, we had to have my old cat Heather put down. She was diagnosed with an overactive thyroid along with heart failure and a blockage in her lungs. It ws absolutely heartbreaking to have to make the decision but it really was the tight thing to do.

As I am off work at the moment, we decided that we should get a couple of kittens almost immediately so they can settle in whilst I am home. On that Saturday we visited a rescue place called Wellcat and picked out two 8 week old kittens (well Tiber really picked us!). They are now 10 weeks old and truly a joy to have around.

Home at last

This morning I was seen again by the surgical doctors. They told me that following discussions with the gynae team they had agreed that my abdo pain is being caused by my ovarian cysts. The said that it should eventually settle on their own, however meanwhile they would discharge me with a large amount of painkillers and I would be followed up as an outpatient with both the pain clinic and gynaecology. So, finally, I am home!

Day 9

To my absolute frustration I am still in hospital, and absolutely no closer to receiving treatment of any kind.

Yesterday morning I saw a doctor from the gynae team who proceeded to tell me that I am suffering from PCOS (which I already know and is in my notes), that he would be starting me on Metformin (which I am already taking, and is also in my notes), and that this amount of pain could not possibly be from the burst cyst. He then referred me back to the surgical team.

Not long after a young doctor from the surgical team came to see me. I shared my frustrations with him, talked about the pain I am in and he concluded that the best option would be to ‘open me up and take a look’. I agreed, I am now willing to do anything to get better and to be without this constant pain.

This morning the young doctor returned with a senior colleague, who proceeded to inform me that as I do not have appendicitis, it is not a surgical problem, therefore they are discharging me back to the gynae team.

So I am back where I was 2 days ago, waiting for gynae to see me. I have gone round in a big circle. I am on 4 different sorts of pain relief, only 1 of which is really effective and I am likely to be here until Monday at least… *sigh*

Update

I had it confirmed this afternoon that my pain is being caused by a burst ovarian cyst. Tomorrow I will be transferred to the care of the gynaecological consultant. Hopefully they will begin treatment and I can get out of here soon!

Ouch!

Well the worst week ever turned into the worst two weeks. On Thursday morning I was rushed to hospital with suspected appendicitis and I am still there now. The doctors have ruled out appendicitis now (Thank God!) but now suspect that is a ruptured ovarian cyst which is causing me non-stop agony. Since I arrived I have been awaiting an ultrasound but unfortunately there is a long waiting list and it is looking like I won’t get it till Tuesday…. please pray for me that I get answers/treatment soon so that I can go home!

Sad day

My friend went for her first scan today. She had told me that she would ring me as soon as she came out to let me know how it had gone. By 11.30 am she hadn’t called and I knew something was wrong… soon after her husband called to tell me that the sonographer couldn’t find a heartbeat. As my friend hasn’t spontaneously miscarried, she will need medication and then to return to the hospital at the weekend. Heartbreaking…. Good bye little Angel x

Side Effects

On Friday I went to see my GP. During the course of the appointment I mentioned that James and I were trying to conceive and how concerned I am about the possibility that this may not happen. My doctor’s advice was as follows:

Stop tracking everything immediately. By tracking my cycle I would put pressure on myself subconsciously and this would cause me stress. Stress prevents ovulation, therefore rather than helping, tracking could instead prove to be a hindrance.

She also requested a series of blood tests checking my hormone levels at a certain point in my cycle, and prescribed that I take 1500 mg of Metformin daily.

The first was rather simple, I went to the hospital and had the tests this morning. Now all I have to do is wait till 5th May for the results. The medication however is not so easy.

I started my course of tablets on Friday. One 500 mg tablet 3 times a day, with food. Friday was fine, Saturday, Sunday, also fine, a little bit of diarrhea but nothing more than I have suffered with my IBS. Yesterday (Monday), I thought I was going to die. Wave upon wave of nausea, before I ate, after I ate, when I sat, when I stood, nothing would relieve it. And the diarrhea. Enough about that but suffice it to say that I was scared to leave work and be away from a bathroom for too long.

Last night I struggled to fall asleep so I got up and browsed the Internet for anything which might help with relieving the side effects. Most of the advice was dietary related, not a problem, but no immediate relief. Then I read something about spice teas being effective.

On my way to work this morning I bought a pack of ‘Moroccan’ tea. Basically an infusion of spearmint, cinnamon, liquorice and a few other bits. I made a cup when I first arrived at work AND IT WORKS! It really does. Although I still feel a little nauseous, it is nothing I cannot handle. Such a relief!

Emotional

I mentioned in my previous post that there have been a lot of new babies in my life recently and this has thrown me in the middle of a huge amount of emotional turmoil.

For a few years now I have thought myself ready to have children. I have given it a lot of thought and honestly feel that I can deal with anything that would be thrown my way. However James did not feel ready and so we waited…

Over the last year or so a lot of people in my life have announced they are pregnant or have just give birth (work colleagues, friends and family). With each new arrival my biological clock has seemed to tick a little faster.

Recently James told me he was ready and so we started trying…

My main concern is that I will not be able to get pregnant. A couple of years ago I was diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, which can make it difficult to conceive. Added to this is that I am nearly 30 and my fear is that if it takes a long time to conceive then my natural level of fertility will also decrease, giving me a much lower chance of becoming a mother.

The last straw however was that my closest friend told me that she is pregnant, and that just tipped me over the edge. My friend has been concentrating on her career. She didn’t want a baby yet. She and her husband have a lot of debt issues. However she has fallen pregnant anyway.

I am really happy for her, as I know that they are happy too, but a part of me is really struggling to deal with it. How could she get pregnant when it was not so important to her? Why has it happened to her and not to me? I am a huge bundle of emotions, although I truly feel guilty that my happiness for her is tinged with such jealousy.

The worst bit of all is that noone seems to really understand how I am feeling… All I can think about is what will happen if I can’t get pregnant? What will I do? At the moment I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel.

A year gone by

Carolyn has pointed out that it has been almost a year since I last updated here. A whole year! So what have I been up to?

I guess the biggest news is that in August of last year, in the south of France, James and I were married in a short ceremony in front of 25 of our closest friends and family. It was a beautiful, memorable day which fitted us perfectly.

So that’s a pretty big thing really.

What else? Well there has been a lot of new babies in my life recently. One such new baby is Sophia Jane who was born to my friend Charlotte on 4th March. You may remember that I posted last February about the tragedy of my friend’s baby James passing away, well Sophia is James’ younger sister. She was born healthy and perfect which is just so fantastic! I also have two new nieces, Claudia and Primrose who were born in September 2009 and October 2009 respectively. I have spent a lot of time baby clothes shopping, which doesn’t help to stop me from feeling broody!

Apart from all of that, James passed his driving test and we bought a car (I am hoping to re-take mine later this year. We are starting to get the house exactly the way we want it, and we are generally pretty happy!

Productiveness

I promised I would try and take some photos and I have. All I can do is apologise for the shockingly bad quality, I couldn’t find the memory card for our camera so I resorted to taking some shots on my mobile phone!

2x2 ribbed scarf in black chunky acrylic yarn

I made this scarf for James, he sometimes likes to have a scarf in the winter but he insisted that it be a ‘manly’ colour/style. I was pretty pleased with how it turned out. It is really thick, although because of the thickness is it also pretty stiff.

Linen Stitch Scarflet in Fuschia Chunky Yarn (Still awaiting buttons)

I made this scarflet from after I saw Kait’s attempt. I found it pretty tricky keeping track of where I was in the pattern (despite it being so simple to follow!) but I was pleased with how it turned out. Oh and I mastered yarn over’s for the buttonholes!

WIP another linen stitch scarflet in a lighter weight acrylic yarn

A lighter weight version of the scarflet above.

I mentioned in my previous post that my grandma passed away recently. When my mum and aunt were clearing out her house they came across all her knitting supplies. When I was little my grandma was a really keen knitter. She knitted us all sweaters on a regular basis and generally whenever she got a few minutes spare her needles would be heard clicking away. Over the years however she struggled more and more with her arthritis. In the last few years she has not been able to knit at all although she took great pleasure in reminding me of a few stitches a couple of months ago. As noone else in the family is big into crafty stuff, my mum and aunt let me have all of grandma’s needles, yarn, in fact anything remotely related to knitting and so I have gone from just 1 pair of knitting needles to:

Last of all, a sneak peak on my surprise project:

Do you know what it is yet?